Toronto Diary
2 min

The 2011 holiday gay porn shopping guide: extended director’s cut

On paper, writing an article that’s only 500 words long isn’t that hard. Not for normal people, anyway. Unfortunately, I’m excessively wordy, as shown by this dissertation on why Adele’s “Someone Like You” is the best song of the year, or by how I wrote an entire paragraph without actually stating the purpose of this post.

Gosh, that sure was meta, wasn’t it?

Anyway, point is, in my latest Porndoggy column on the best gifts to give this holiday season, a few things may have sort of . . . Well, they didn’t make the list, because I needed more words to spend on why Santa is a chode. So in the spirit of consumerism, I’m going to George Lucas this bitch and tack on more shit, just because I can. Also, I’m using CGI to turn all the guns into walkie-talkies. And Greedo shot first.

Naked Sword’s Golden Gate (seasons 2 and 3)

Yes, gay porn comes in seasons now. Oddly enough, Golden Gate has made it to four seasons, which officially means it’s been around longer than Arrested Development. How weird is that? But at least it’s hot, beautifully shot, well-scripted and . . . Who are we kidding? You don’t care about that; you just want to see the naked men, don’t you? Yes, yes you do. Oh well. Here’s to six seasons and a movie!

Colt Studio’s Bear

And now, something for the twink lovers! Nah, I’m just fuckin’ with you. This one’s all about the big, hairy guys, from the studio that’s been specializing in big, hairy guys for so long, their movies are featured in Oscar-nominated movies about spiteful lesbians. 

Hot House’s Pack Attack 5 

If you ever looked at Shane Frost’s ass and thought, “How many dicks can we fit in there at once?” your oddly specific question has finally been answered.

JC Adam’s Gay Porn Heroes

What’s this? A book? On a list of gay porn? Yes, I actually suggested you buy something involving words. Well, yes, there are also pictures of hot naked men, but look! Words! Ones that aren’t printed on Facebook walls or Twitter! I just blew the mind of anyone under the age of 25 reading this. 

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