I got into sadomasochism by accident. It was somewhere around the summer of 2000 and I was running an ad as a regular male escort. Meaning: blowjobs, body contact, conversation, and occasionally fucking. I was 25 years old.
I had just built a mini-loft in the warehouse space where I was living with a roommate. My carpentry skills were limited, so I had not constructed a solid ladder. I would help the clients climb a shaky metal ladder to the loft, where we’d have sex on an old futon mattress. When the session was over, I was terrified that the sometimes-feeble old men would tumble to the floor.
A new client came to see me. We’ll call him “Slave D.” He pointed to the area below the loft and said, “Can we play down there?” Slave D was in his 60s. So happy to avoid the shaky ladder I said, “Of course.”
He wanted to know if I had candles. I did, so I lit them. He shyly reached into his pockets and brought out some black rawhide string, saying: “I like to tie up my cock and balls.” I was fascinated as he taught me how to do it. He was already wearing nipple clamps, so I tied his cock and balls to his nipples and started experimenting with tugging them. He wanted wax poured on his chest, so I did that. His approach to the escort-client relationship was refreshing — I felt like I was learning rather than teaching.
Slave D became a regular client, and my eyes were opened to spanking, bondage, cock and ball torture and other forms of SM. I had started escorting at 21 years old, and while I enjoyed it, I had taken a couple breaks. As I approached my late 20s, I knew I had to re-invent myself. The Showcase documentary series Kink approached me and wanted to include me as a cast member. The timing was perfect — I was moving into a massive warehouse space with 15-foot ceilings. I had started to specialize more in SM, largely due to my ongoing relationship with Slave D. He built me a full-sized dungeon at the new warehouse.
I started advertising only as a professional dominant escort. I stopped seeing clients for traditional sexual services, and focussed on learning as much as I could about SM. Leery of dress codes in general, I refused to wear leather, instead wearing gym shorts, or jeans. To me, SM is about exploring power dynamics, not wearing black leather. I discovered my niche: spanking. I love spanking people — I am not sure why, but it’s entertaining, and I enjoy inflicting serious pain on those who want it.
I am technically skilled, meaning, I can take the time to build a person up, starting light and moving to hard, giving them full body endorphin rushes. But to be honest, I prefer the spankees who want it fast and brutal with little warm-up. When I stopped escorting, my SM play diminished to almost zero, including my sessions with Slave D. It made me question myself — was I a fraud? Was I just in it for the money? The “hustler” part of my psyche got a secret thrill when I received $200 without even having to take off my clothes. But my respect towards the spiritual side of SM did not diminish, and I am now confident that my interest in it is genuine.
My bar staff consists of a diverse range of people. A young gay sexual diversity student. A 25-year-old straight metrosexual and his straight suburban sister. A gender queer videographer. A butch dyke security guard. A straight mama’s boy studying to be a cop, whose fag-hag mom educated him by taking him to gay bars. Lately I’ve been sharing my re-awakened interest in SM with my staff.
At a recent fetish party, Fausto (the straight brother) and I double-teamed a female submissive in an intense spanking session. It caused an awakening in Fausto, and was a bonding moment for the two of us. (He subsequently became Facebook friends with the femme sub, a self-described “lesbian” who introduced herself to us by saying, “I’m Natalie, I hate cock.” I tease Fausto that they are girlfriends, because the two of them now text message each other about hair products and shopping).
At a subsequent party, his 20-year-old sister Lucy watched me spank someone else on stage, and with eyes wide open, came up to me later to say, “It’s an art form, I never knew that.” Since then she has ended up going up on stage herself and explored both sides of spanking. It’s almost become a ritual during our sex parties — the staff takes spanking breaks instead of smoking breaks.
Fausto is intrigued with the notion of domination, and has asked my advice about how to find a hot submissive female. I found that the best teachers were the experienced slaves. While it is commonly expressed in SM literature that the best way to learn how to be a good top is to experience being a good bottom, I’m of the mind that it’s not essential. I played a couple times as an SM bottom and while it was interesting, and I learned a lot, I learned more from my veteran slaves. I don’t think Fausto needs to be dominated at all — I think he just needs to be honest and express that he’s got some desires that need exploring. We’re going to the annual Northbound Fetish party this weekend, trolling together for chicks and dudes.