Toronto Diary
1 min

The Avengers dildos: The best thing that will never exist

Fun fact: I was originally going to title this post “Avengers ASS-emble” but it turns out I already used that last year. Fuck.

Where was I? Ah yes, dildos. To be honest, the news has been wall-to-wall soul crushing these past few weeks, and I felt like we needed some sort of levity to break things up. So here’s a collection of concept sketches from tumblr artist Balazs Sarmai detailing dildos based off of The Avengers. Apparently, he made these for the geek girls, but . . . Yeah, nature finds a way with these things.

[Balazs Sarmai / via sarmai.tumblr.com]

Not gonna lie: I saw The Hulk dildo and my legs swung open like a well-oiled gate.

As for the other ones, well, they’re fine too. Captain America looks like the kind of guy who’d give you really good missionary, and his dildo kinda reflects that. Iron Man would totally be into toys, and Thor is probably into electrical play (violet wands, tens units, the like) so they’d be more fun. I’d even switch teams for Black Widow because she does leather and interrogation scenes, but the smart money here’s on Hawkeye.

Think about it: He’s the one no one remembers. The poor guy is constantly overlooked despite having the best technical skill. That need to prove himself and his pinpoint precision is going to translate into some amaaaaaaaazing sex.