If there’s one thing I will geek out about on this blog — other than fried chicken and felt puppets — it’s RuPaul’s Drag Race, or as I call it, Sweet Delicious Manna from the Invisible Bearded Giant in the Clouds. Anyway, the new All Stars season is starting soon, and the cast list has been revealed in a teaser trailer from Logo. Who are the returning queens? Well, after much careful analysis, I’ve more or less nailed down the cast based on the teaser. I’ve split my guesses up between “definitely,” “probably” and “complete stab in the dark.” First, the trailer:
Pandora Boxx – She was actually the first queen officially announced for the show (she came in second in the fan vote and was sworn in after Sharon Needles volunteered to forgo the season out of fairness), so this one’s kind of a gimme. Plus, she’s kind of the best queen ever on the show, so YAY!
Latrice Royale – Look, we all knew Latrice was coming back, and there’s really no one else who can pull off this look. Plus, it’s been forever since we’ve heard that infectious scream-laugh of hers, so it’s about time we got more of her.
Alexis Mateo – Sadly, she’s probably one of the lesser-known queens to ever make it to the top three, but despite her look being just a tad too regional, she’s a fierce fucking lip-syncher, and she’s actually a lot of fun.
Raven – She’s been a mainstay on Drag U, and people love her, even if she is a total bitch. Actually, that’s the reason I love her to begin with. The lips are a dead giveaway, and the general look — skin-tight bodysuits — are just an added “D’uh” on top of that.
Shannel – In a perfect world, Shannel would have been in the top three back in Season 1. But fate is a cruel mistress, and Rebecca Glasscock is awful, so she didn’t make the cut. But she’s back and rightfully so! Honestly, this one’s tough to see at first, but once you figure out it’s Shannel, the blacklight look makes total sense.
Yara Sofia – Yara is one of those queens whose style of drag is so uniquely her own that it’s impossible to miss her. The only reason she wasn’t in the top three back in Season 3 was because she basically had a full-blown meltdown onstage, which was just . . . oy vey, that hurt to watch. But she’s back for redemption! Wee!
Jujubee – This one is a testament to how perceptive Drag Race fans are: there’s absolutely nothing about this hint that would suggest any of the queens on the show. But then someone noticed the tiny gap in her teeth and realized it was Jujubee. That’s right: they figured out one of the clues using dental records. That’s some CSI shit right there. Honestly, I don’t really see it, but it’s probably her.
Mimi Imfurst – Out of all the queens, Mimi was actually the one who lasted the shortest amount of time on the show, getting herself ousted after she picked up India Ferrah during a lip-sync and carried her onstage. That being said, she did surprisingly well in the fan vote, and considering she’s the only queen to match the size of this blacklight hint, Mimi is most likely coming back for a second shot.
Morgan McMichaels – At first, I thought this one was Tammie Brown based on the lipstick. That being said, based on the aesthetic, the square jaw and the biceps, I’m wont to believe this is Morgan. I won’t rule out Tammie, but those guns are Morgan all the way.
Nina Flowers – Or as I like to call her, “the queen who should have won Season 1 because Bebe was fucking boring as hell.” To be honest, this one was hard to make out because the blacklight doesn’t really show much in the way of makeup, but something about the punk-rock look suggests Nina.
Phi Phi O’Hara – I know, I know, I used to call her That Bitch Phi Phi, but apparently, she’s eaten her slice of humble pie after seeing herself on the show. Anyway, I’m guessing this is Phi Phi (although some people are saying it’s Chad Michaels), based on the facial structure, as well as the sort of mainstream drag vibe she’s throwing off.
Complete Stab in the Dark
Manila Luzon – No, seriously, who the fuck is this? I honestly can’t tell heads from tails on this one, but the internet is guessing Manila, soooooo . . . congrats, maybe Manila? You’re back I think? Woo for you.