Blogs & Columns
1 min

The church that breeds off-key toddler demons

Two days ago I posted a video of a young child member of the cult church known as Apostolic Truth Tabernacle (if the product of incest didn’t choose that name, I don’t know who did), located in Greensburg, Indiana, singing a divine little hymn known as “Ain’t No Homos Gonna Make It to Heaven."

It’s my new jam!

After a shitstorm of controversy, ATT released a statement via their website:

“The Pastor and members of Apostolic Truth Tabernacle do not condone, teach, or practice hate of any person for any reason. We believe and hope that every person can find true Bible salvation and the mercy and grace of God in their lives. We are a strong advocate of the family unit according to the teachings and precepts found in the Holy Bible. We believe the Holy Bible is the Divinely-inspired Word of God and we will continue to uphold and preach that which is found in scripture.”

“We do not condone, teach or practice hate of any person for any reason” unless they’re gay, in which case we teach our inbred babies to hate them like a toothbrush. We hope that every person can find “the mercy and grace of God,” which is exactly what we feel when we’ve conceived with a sibling. 

The site goes on to say:

“Welcome to Apostolic Truth Tabernacle – where our doors are open to you regardless of your background or where you are on your spiritual journey.”

"Regardless of your background or where you are on your spiritual journey” unless your background is of a diabolic sodomite, and where you are on your spiritual journey is track five on Madonna’s Ray of Light album. In which case, OUR YOUNGIN’S ARE A COMIN’ FOR Y’ALL.

Now let’s all laugh at the picture of “Pastor and Mrs Jeff Sang” because she doesn’t have a name. Or a soul. But she’s Fabu-Tan-lous, so what does she care?