No, no, have a seat — you’re among friends here.
Look, there’s no easy way to say it, so I’m just going to come right out with it: this is an intervention. We feel that you might be developing an unhealthy addiction. An addiction to… parodies. There’s nothing wrong with a good porn parody every now and then. Everyone does it! They’re fun, they’re good for a quick laugh, but I feel as though lately you might be taking things a little too far.
I’ll admit, I thought Getting Levi’s Johnson was clever. It was a gay porn alternative to Who’s Nailin’ Paylin?, and it was funny and hot enough to warrant some mainstream press. Then you followed it up with Jersey Score, a parody of Jersey Shore replete with tanned, hard-bodied fucking and sucking. Sure, in real life, having sex with a cast member of Jersey Shore would actually get you quarantined by the Centers for Disease Control, but once again, you delivered hot man-fucking and humour, so we were willing to look the other way.
But lately, we think you might have crossed a line. We’re okay with you making a sequel to Jersey Score, but come on — To Fuck a Predator? Really? You’re going to sexualize the show about child predators? I mean, yes, Rob Romoni is hilarious in it, Riley Price is a hot bottom, and watching him getting railed by Brandon Bangs got a lot of people off, but there’s still the weird feeling that you’re watching a parody of a show where an asshole busts internet pedophiles. Remember: just because you can make a parody, doesn’t mean you should.
And now you’re doing a parody about Anthony Weiner called, appropriately, Anthony’s Weener. We get it: a politician named Weiner flashing his junk on Twitter is pure comic gold. It has the timeless comedic value of watching old people get kicked in the balls. But we feel you might be relying a little too heavily on spoofs. And if you stay on this path, pretty soon you’re going to be the Law & Order of gay porn.
Look, we want to watch Lucky Daniels get power-fucked into a puddle of sweat and cum, and we want to see Ricky Sinz hit that like the fist of an angry God. That’s good enough. We will gladly give you money for it. Want my credit card? Take it! It’s totally worth it. But you don’t need to frame everything as a spoof of something entirely different. We love you just the way you are, and we’ll stand by you and get you the help you…
Oh, for shit’s sake, are you writing a parody of A&E’s Intervention during this parody of an intervention? All right: come on, Jet Set Men — let’s all go to rehab.