Credit: Paul Michaud/© Showtime/Courtesy: Everett Collection; Francesca Roh/Xtra
Pop Culture
3 min

The L Word’s Jenny Schecter might still be alive. What we think she’s been up to

Still talking to the manatees all these years later

Love her or hate her, Jenny Schecter is back, bitches! Well, maybe.

Your probably-least-favourite character on The L Word memorably died in Bette’s pool in the final season of the show’s original run in 2009. Most of us were grateful to have lost the despicable dog murderer and truly awful fiction writer, but perhaps the best gift was knowing Jenny would never grace our screens again — especially not in The L Word’s new and more inclusive reboot, Generation Q, premiering this December.

Alas, Mia Kirshner, the Canadian actor and embattled genius behind whisper-talking, insufferable, no-good Jenny, has given rise to speculation of Schecter revival after she tweeted this weekend that her character might still be kicking around.

If Kirshner’s tweet is true, that means Jenny’s been alive for an entire decade! Did she fake her death? Was her murder a collective delusion? And what has she been up to for 10 years? Here are a few scenarios we think are pretty likely.

She’s still at the carnival

After losing all of her friends and watching her literary career go down the tubes, Jenny went back to her roots and became a carnie. (Never forget all of those Season 2 flashbacks of Sarah Schuster . . . er, Jenny at the carnival.) Rumour has it that if you head to the carnival late at night, you’ll find her spouting bad poetry while riding the merry-go-round over and over until dawn.

She’s cycling through the US women’s soccer team

Jenny basically slept her way through her friend group, so it makes sense that she’d have moved on to bigger and better things. She’s a former movie exec, damnit! She needs some arm candy!

Who better than anyone from the US Women’s National Soccer Team? There’s no gayer entity in North America. Sources say Jenny’s angling for a threeway with Megan Rapinoe and WNBA star girlfriend Sue Bird.

She’s with the manatees

No one quite understood Jenny like the manatees at the Los Angeles Aquarium did. They were inspiration for her finest work, a short story about “a woman that’s been mute from birth, and then she discovers that she’s able to speak the language of manatees.” (Yes, that’s a direct quote.)

These days, Jenny is a tried-and-true manatee expert (even if that original animal she saw at the aquarium was . . . a beluga whale). They call her the Manatee Whisperer, and she’s certified to speak the language of the manatees at SeaWorlds across North America.

She started her own all-female production company

While her film Lez Girls was never released, the project opened many doors for Jenny in Hollywood, and she wasted no time building her own female-centric empire. Her new production company casts only women in major blockbusters. Be sure to catch Scarlett Johansson playing only trans roles — because Jenny has a really great track record of treating trans folks thoughtfully and empathetically!

She’s traded a literary career for Twitter

So, Jenny was published in the New Yorker a grand total of one time. But that’s okay! Jenny found a new outlet, one that never rejects her musings no matter how half-baked, and it’s called Twitter. It’s also creatively challenging: she’s forced to write her ideas in 280 characters or fewer. For more of her insights on white feminism and dog murder, follow @SarahSchuster.

She’s joined a coven of witches

If any of the L Word mains were going to become a witch, you knew it would be Jenny. In this epic alternate reality, Jenny creates a witch’s brew that somehow simultaneously brings her and Dana back to life — because we all know which dead L Word character the fans really want back, okay?

She’s rebooting Lez Girls

Maybe we got Jenny all wrong. She wasn’t that bad, right? Perhaps she spent the last 10 years atoning for her sins, apologizing to everyone she hurt and betrayed, and donating all her money to shelters for rescue dogs. As a final act of redemption, she’s rebooting her opus, Lez Girls, to be more inclusive, featuring more trans characters and characters of colour. She’s still thinking up a name . . . might we suggest Lez Girls: Generation Queer?