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The Young and the Useless: Guy Ritchie calls life with Madonna a soap opera

Guy Ritchie is promoting his new Sherlock Holmes movie, and he had this to say to Details magazine about his marriage to Madonna: “I stepped into a soap opera, and I lived in it for quite a long period of my life. I’ll probably be more eloquent on it 10 years from now.”

Luckily for us, no one will care about Guy Ritchie 10 years from now.

I thought Guy was sexy and sort of interesting until he started looking like a rabbi. Then Madonna’s brother Christopher Ciccone started accusing him of homophobic douchery, and my repulsion over his fondness for hunting set in. When Madonna got as pale and skinny as she is in the above picture (she doesn’t have any flesh hanging off her bones, just Restylane!), I realized that what this woman needed was a big ol’ South American meal. 

Guy had some nice things to say about the marriage, too: “It’s definitely not something I regret,” he said. “The experience was ultimately very positive. I love the kids that came out of it, and I could see no other route to take. But you move on, don’t you?"

Madonna’s moving on with MIA and Nicki Minaj, who, reportedly, are both going to appear on her new single, “Give Me All Your Luvin’,” because Guy won her innovation in the divorce settlement.