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There’s something about Harry

It doesn’t matter that I’m a pacifist and an anti-monarchist, or that I’m totally buying the conspiracy that the royals are alien reptilian humanoids; it would be so hot to wipe Illuminati Prince Harry’s blood-specked face after battle and have him protect me. If he’s a lizard, all the better. I hear they’re good with their tongues.

In an upcoming memoir by Lance-Corporal James Wharton, Out in the Army: My Life as a Gay Soldier, the trooper writes about the time that Harry saved him from six soldier bullies during military training in Alberta, at the British Army Training Unit Suffield, in 2008. The soldiers were allegedly threatening to “batter” the openly gay soldier, so he did what I would’ve done — jumped into Harry’s arms asked Captain Wales for protection. 

"I told him, ‘I think I’m going to be murdered by the infantry.’ I climbed into the turret and talked Harry through exactly what had happened,” Wharton told the Daily Mail. “He had a complete look of bewilderment on his face. I couldn’t stop the tears from welling up in my eyes. He said, ‘Right I’m going to sort this shit’ out once and for all.’He climbed out of the tank and I poked my head out of the turret a few moments later to see him having a go. I could see he wasn’t holding back. I will always be grateful to Harry and I will never forget what happened. Until he went over and dealt with everything I was on track for a battering."

Of course Harry stepped up. He is a gay icon after all; at least that’s what his press people told him, and he’s sticking to it:

"Harry happened to mention that he and his brother had been told they were gay icons,” Wharton said. “I laughed and told him that I didn’t think that was the case. He became really adamant saying, ‘What? What? We are! Our press people told us.’Harry then asked if he couldn’t be a gay icon because he was ginger. It was all very funny."

I don’t know about gay icon like his mother (never forget what Diana did for AIDS in the 1980s and ‘90s), but Harry is definitely a gay sex symbol — just look at that boy in his military gear. (And the ginge is only helping.)