2 min

Tips for first-time buyers

Otherwise known as tricks of the trade

As I’m pretty sure that Consumer Reports won’t be covering the subject soon, I would like to offer up some tips to those that are in the market for an escort, especially you first-time buyers.

Prostitution is a competitive business and so as prone to misleading and deceptive advertising tactics as any other unregulated industry. But this advice is meant to make the experience better for everyone involved. I also hope to make the experience a little less intimidating for the uninitiated.

Firstly, seek out escorts that have been around for a little while and stay away from listings that don’t charge for ad space. and are both good places to start browsing, but I’d avoid and Craigslist. Newspaper classifieds have a lower-end reputation, but are still worth a look. The best ones will refer you to a website for a more complete profile.

In my experience, when I’ve compared the escorts I’ve met against their ads, it makes me think that the working boys in this town are collectively very good at Photoshop.

Beware of the rentboy that hasn’t changed his profile photos in months, or is posed in a painful and unnatural twist-flexed position that creates the illusion of physical fitness. Don’t be the least bit shy about asking for additional recent snapshots.

Professional escorts charge for time, rather than having a rate sheet for specific sex ads. The average is $200 per hour, sometimes dropping down to $150 for subsequent hours. Outcalls, when we are required to meet you outside of our homes, often come with an additional charge for travel time, usually $50.

Appointments lasting more than a couple of hours are price-negotiable, and rates for overnights vary wildly, but are usually around $1,000 plus expenses.

If an escort charges above the industry norm for no obvious reason, it could very well be a sign of arrogance and is in no way indicative of sexual prowess.

I feel that the only hookers who can justify a higher rate are big-league porn stars, or those who specialize in a particular fetish requiring advanced skills, expensive equipment and/or a strong stomach.

Don’t choose your escort by the picture alone. Most ads include a write-up and stat sheet to round out their descriptions, and should include the escort’s age (subtract two years), sexual preferences and cock size (subtract two inches).

Read the write-ups, and read between the lines too. These ads are essentially resumes, and things like spelling mistakes may indicate a lack of attention to detail.

I also have a theory that guys who use lots of exclamation points are premature ejaculators, but you can decide for yourself if that’s true or not.

For more tips tune in next column… !!!