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Tom Ford for mayor

Fictional or not, here’s one candidate who won’t be ignored

Mayor Tom Ford will always have time to take important meetings. Credit: Twitter

The proudTOvote debate is gearing up for Sept 19, but there’s another mayoral hopeful who wants your attention. He’s savvy, brash and taking social media by storm.

His name? Ford.

Tom Ford, that is.

After popping up on social media in 2010, the parody account Mayor Tom Ford is in full faux-election mode. “I’ve had enough of these Etobicoke clowns running my name into the ground. Toronto needs a new Ford, a better Ford. With Tom Ford as Mayor, we can transform Toronto into the most stylish city in the world!”

Naturally, one cannot rely solely on sartorial know-how to win the minds and hearts of a city; luckily, Mayor Tom Ford is ready to put in the work. “I am a man of the people, provided those people have disposable income to spend on frivolous fashion vices. Last week, I was called out for my Canadian tuxedo, but I see it as dressing in solidarity with everyday Torontonians.”

You can’t beat a designer at his own game (“Toronto deserves a mayor with flair for chest hair.” Amen to that), but that hasn’t deterred the fashion snaps to the other, less-fictional front-runners. “I’ll give it to John Tory: the man knows when not to wear a tie. Olivia Chow dresses quite conservatively, though has taken some risks — did you see her at Caribana? Stunning.”

As for the other Ford in the running, Mayor Tom Ford knows exactly what he needs to help kick off his campaign. “I’d like to see Doug in more cashmere or vicuna wool. A softer fabric would help in softening his image to the public, provided he keeps his mouth closed, ideas to himself and drops out of politics.”

“Toronto not only needs vulgarity, it craves it. The most recent mayor is living proof. But I also believe in transparency. It’s why, if elected, I’ll commit to one probing interview every week. Completely nude.”

Xtra will be covering the proudTOvote debate, with (the very real) candidates Olivia Chow and John Tory.