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Too naughty for Canadian eyes

CBSA lists recently prohibited porn

The Canada Border Services Agency (CBSA) has released its third quarter listing of videos it won’t allow into the country because it has decided they are obscene.

Agents carefully screened 119 porn DVDs between July and September for what the CBSA calls obscene content. Seventy nine of those titles were siezed at the border and presumably destroyed.

The CBSA publishes a lengthy list of qualifiers that determine its definition of obscenity. Along with the usual chestnuts of bestiality, necrophilia and sexual assault, agents are instructed to sieze films that include things like watersports, bondage and domination and what it oddly calls “sex with pain.”

Apparently attitudes at the CBSA have become more liberal over the last few years. Before Nov 2005, any film that included watersports action netted an instant ban at the border. But in a CBSA internal memo released to Xtra through an access to information request, screeners were told, “The Canadian community will now tolerate consensual urination onto another person.”

Just don’t piss into them because, according to the CBSA, that’s obscene. Whether that means getting some in your ears, up your nose, in your mouth, up your ass or pussy we’re not too sure. No explanation is given about why being pissed on is now family friendly but getting pissed in remains obscene.

Here’s a list of some of the more interesting banned films that were arbitrarily deemed obscene:

Europeein Vol 1, Europeein Vol 2

Euro twinks hose each other down, among other activities in these titles. That flies in the face of CBSA’s prohibition of “actual or implied urination… into another person.” Strangely, both titles are available for sale from a Canadian website.

Frat Piss: The Hazing of Kaleb Scott
Kaleb Scott’s Piss Party Weekend

This time it’s American twinks the CBSA has set its sights on, blocking entry of Kaleb Scott’s watersports-themed adventures. At least it doesn’t discriminate exclusively against those sexually-liberated Europeans. The CBSA has an equal opportunity hate on for anyone who pisses into anyone else’s mouth no matter how much they seem to enjoy it.

San Francisco Lesbian Bondage Club 1 & 2

Two more gay titles banned from entry, these featuring a bevy of west coast lesbian beauties, including, “Tight nipple clipping and flogging ripe red butts are just some of the delightful punishments doled out by and to these bad babes!!!” The CBSA must not think ripe red butts are too delightful after all.

Triga’s Piss Tapes Vol 1
Yellow! Triga’s Piss Tapes Vol 2

Another gay watersports title banned but there’s a twist; Yellow! Triga’s Piss Tapes Vol 2 is bizarrely on the admissible list even though the cover clearly shows a guy’s face getting pissed on. His mouth is closed in the still, so maybe he just kept it shut through his whole scene. Whatever, sequels are never as good as the original.

Amazing Lactations #2: Bondage

Women get milked in this title, which is fine by CBSA standards but they also happen to be tied up and covered in clothespins, quickly arousing the CBSA to ban the film.

Mutterficker

That’s “Motherfucker,” for those of us who don’t speak German. At first glance it looks like any other porn flick but apparently deals with some incest-based plot, which nets an automatic ban. If the company hadn’t splashed “inzest” on the cover it may have sailed through like any other sex film.

Sex Slaves of Satan

If anyone should know how to have rough, kinky sex, it must be the Prince of Darkness and his minions. The company claims these are, “the most extreme scenes in the history of XXX. Criminal penetration is just an appetizer for these sluts as Satan takes them on a long, hellish road of abuse, submission and sex.” Uh oh, anything sexually criminal instantly qualifies porn as obscene, no matter if Satan himself had a hand in the production.

Femmes De Sade

Hailed as a classic from 1976, this film fills every CBSA obscenity requirement. A sex-crazed psycho fucks his way through San Francisco, torturing hookers along the way. Bestiality, scat and a whole lot of violent sex earn this film a spot on the prohibited list.

The Jackbooth Job

Just in time for Christmas, this holiday tale pits a voluptuous heroine against a masked madman and conveniently goes down in a sex shop. Refusing to give up the combination to her safe, the heroine is chained, electroshocked, stuffed with toys from her very own store and finally flogged by her attacker. All on Christmas Eve and all the qualities of an obscene flick, says CBSA.

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Though we still don’t understand the vetting process for these porn titles, the CBSA did deem several screened films fit for Canadian eyes. Here is a list of a few questionable titles that slipped past the censors:

Katheter Gier (Catheter Greed)

“The dominant nurse Ulla excites herself. To give her patients a catheter in the morning, have a fuck at noon and to finish in the evening by playing doctorgames.” Apparently if the men are on the receiving end of some outside-the-box sex, the CBSA won’t stop the porn at the border.

Inzest Schweine (Incest of Pigs)

Strangely, this incest-titled film passes the censor’s test. It’s the 90-minute adventure of a plus-sized woman and her two younger, svelte lovers apparently meets the community standard of tolerance test. The CBSA took the advice of gay icon Freddie Mercury declaring: “Fat bottomed girls, you make the rockin world go round!”

Extrem Klistier

Most of the Paradise Film submissions from July to September were prohibited by the CBSA but this one squeaked by the censors, even though Paradise claims to be, “one of the hardest labels in the porn industry. You may be shocked when you see the things the cast is doing but always remember: If the stuff is too hard than you are too soft!” This film must have been reviewed by an agent who’s one tough nut to crack.