Christmas is nothing if not a collection of illogical, complex traditions. Think about it: putting presents under a tree? A jolly felon breaking into your house via the chimney and being greeted with milk and cookies? Cable news pundits screeching their flibbedy-flabbedy jaws because imaginary people are waging a war on holidays? None of that would make any sense without Christmas.
So now it’s time for one of my own little traditions: as we used to do on an old blog I used to write for, every Christmas we post this video of Patton Oswalt tearing apart that terrible fucking “Christmas Shoes” song, that cloyingly sweet, manipulative little Yuletide leech that squiggles into your ear every December to just skull-fuck the holidays straight to hell. Enjoy!