Sooooooo . . . Holy hell. Hey America, remember how the entire world got mad at you after you let Proposition 8 pass, thus putting a big flaming asterisk on your LGBT record? Well, you kinda just made up for it by pulling off a total clean sweep for gay rights. Or should I say . . . a queen sweep? YES, YES I SHALL. Commence the happy dance!
We try to avoid riding the stallion that is American politics, but you have to admit, last night was a pretty huge leap for gay rights. Of the four states that were voting on the subject of marriage equality, all of them — Maine, Maryland, Minnesota and the chain-breaking Washington State — voted to legalize gay marriage. Tammy Baldwin became the first openly gay senator, beating out her Republican competitor in Wisconsin. And then Nate Silver used his gay math powers to have Barack Obama, the first pro-equality president, reelected for a second term.
Jesus, America, you did not fuck around on this one. Kudos to you for actually getting it right for a change! Now can we please go back to the good old days, when my Facebook feed wasn’t clogged with macro images of complex political issues clumsily slapped together into one vaguely coherent package? Pretty please? Just . . . no more. I can’t take it anymore. Just keep it quiet down there, because we need to sleep up here for like, five minutes.