Blogs & Columns
2 min

What the fuck were they thinking?

 

I love clothes and I love wearing clothes and I love looking at other
people wearing clothes. I also like looking at people wearing no
clothes at all, but I'll save that for another blog feature (which will
be coming soon to Right Up Your Alley).
I should point out that I've made a couple attempts at modeling, but
alas, the camera doesn't love me the way it should or the way it would
if I could seduce it with 15% of my earning potential or threaten it
Tonya Harding-style with two hired thugs and a club. Should've I put
out on the casting couch back when I was a young, curly-haired
know-it-all back in 2002? The answer is yes. I could've at least made
it into a Sears catalogue and made tens of tens of dollars hawking
Wrangler jeans and Hanes ribbed shirts.

Some people say those
who can't do, criticize. I hate those people. They are usually the ones
who wear Teva sandals year round, often with socks and/or think running
shoes are appropriate attire for every social situation.

In light of all this, think of my What the fuck were they thinking?
features as my attempt to rectify a long string of broken dreams and
shattered hopes. Instead of staring blankly at you from a cologne ad in
Details, I'm frittering away my time taking photos of people wearing things that that should never see the light of day. It's like What Not To Wear meets Candid Camera, I hope you enjoy…

Lastly, this is not about shame or hate. It's public service. So make sure to send me photos of outfits that make you wonder…(insert drum roll here)…What the fuck were they thinking?
I
love the blazer, love the elbow patches and would steal this guy's man
bag if theft was legal and I regularly sported man bags. I want it to
be known here and now that I also love pink in all its shades and hues
– it is a saucy colour and adds much needed pizazz to men's fashion. In
fact, here's how I feel about pink things:

Pink things that I like:
pink wigs, pink grapefruit (mmm), Breast Cancer Awareness Ribbons, Pink
Floyd, neon pink signs and pink polo shirts with a popped collar.

Pink things that I don’t like: plastic pink flamingos, the singer Pink, the movie Pinkville (stupid Oliver Stone going on strike while I was in Thailand and it was filming in Thailand – I was supposed to have a one-liner opposite Woody Harrelson. The part was mine, bitches! MINE!), pet pigs, these shorts.

I'm glad we're back to the shorts. You'll notice, as I noticed, that
they are far far too loose in the posterior caboose. They also have
saddle-bag inspired side pockets practically bursting with personal
items that could have been stored in the man bag. It is like his top
half is going for a dirty gin martini and a cigar at Delilah's and his
bottom half is about to tell Lady Miss Kier that the groove really is in the heart. The sad part is that this outfit is almost there. Almost.