United States
3 min

Why must I pick on conservatives?

While plugging his right-wing comedy "An American Carol" opening this week, "Naked Gun" director David Zucker whined about the status of conservatives in Hollywood: "You sort of feel like you have to hide it. When you meet, you give each other a secret look — 'Are you a Republican too?' It's the new gay." He's right — just this weekend, a conservative in Vancouver was viciously assaulted by a group of thugs. Oh wait, no, that was a hate crime against a gay man. I always get my victimized minorities confused!

Conservatives love to say that they're "the party of ideas" and that's certainly true. Consider this typical gem from US Republican Rep. John LaBruzzo: he wants to end welfare by offering poor women $1,000 to be sterilized. Classy!  Unfortunately for LaBruzzo, it's not a new idea — it was also tried in Canada, Japan and (most famously!) in Germany.

It's hard for right-wingers: they can't even get help from Stephen Harper who, believe it or not, isn't conservative enough for them. All these cutesy sweater ads — where's the fire? The brimstone? The back-alley abortions?

And new conservative pin-up girl Sarah Palin just can't catch a break: an Alaskan music teacher has revealed her belief that dinosaurs and man coexisted; Tina Fey mocked her on "Saturday Night Live" simply by repeating her own words in the Katie Couric interview; and video of the then-Sarah-Heath competing in the 1984 Miss Alaska pageant is now all over the net. Even fellow conservatives like pundit Kathleen Parker are saying it's time for Palin to go but Parker's just jealous she doesn't look this good:

Even the Internet hates conservatives — Google has turned on them by openly advocating against California's proposed ban on gay marriage: "We hope that California voters will vote no on Proposition 8 — we should not eliminate anyone's fundamental rights, whatever their sexuality, to marry the person they love." Oh Google, how can you spew such hatred?

But why pick on conservatives when it's more fun to salute a great liberal: Paul Newman, actor and philanthropist, died at this home on Friday at the age of 83. A close friend of writer Gore Vidal, Newman was a founding donor to the Gay and Lesbian Activists Alliance and once said, "I'm a supporter of gay rights. And not a closet supporter either. From the time I was a kid, I have never been able to understand attacks upon the gay community. There are so many qualities that make up a human being…by the time I get through with all the things that I really admire about people, what they do with their private parts is probably so low on the list that it is irrelevant."

Newman did a screen test with James Dean for the lead in "East of Eden." It's an amazing '50s moment (once the sound kicks in) as Dean flirts with Newman, who clearly likes the attention!