The new Britney Spears song from her upcoming album was leaked, as opposed to being officially released (but really, when was the last time a song was officially released? — “leaked” is the new released), “Work Bitch” is produced by will.i.am, who collaborated with Brit Brit on “Scream & Shout” earlier this year. And the similarities, oh, the similarities. But let's count down the five ways “Work Bitch” is amazing:
1. British Britney is back. I don't know who first thought Britney should adopt a British accent — though I'm pretty confident it's something she whipped up on her own, because this is Britney Spears we're talking about — but it is everything. Everything. Spoken word has never sounded better than when it's Britney with a cockney accent.
2. “Work Bitch” is the working woman's manual for success. It is the new how-to manual of our generation. Want that hot bikini body? Want to party in France? Britney has the answer, and it really is what drag queens have been telling us all along: you better work. Bitch.
3. The completely gratuitous swearing. Why you gotta call us a bitch, Britney? Because she can.
4. Britney tells us to call the governor — at first I thought Arnie himself would make a cameo — but then she drops the bomb: she is the governor. Britney has now made herself a political figure. Why, you ask? Again, because dammit, she can.
5. Finally, the one thing I didn't understand right away in Britney's exhaustive list of things to work for: sipping martinis. I didn't realize until now how much work it is to have a martini, but she's right: it is hard work. The funny-shaped glass and the olives (or onion, but I draw the line there) aren't conducive to easy drinking the way, say, a PBR goes right down your face.
If you haven't heard the song yet, and the link is right at the top, so you have no excuse, don't worry. You'll be hearing it everywhere. At the club, in the gym and probably at the grocery store. British Britney is taking over.