6 min

Xtra Vancouver’s Sex Survey 2013 results

We asked and you divulged

What’s your relationship status? Does couple = monogamy?

Longest monogamous relationship: 36 years

Longest open relationship: 25 years

“Monogamy is the heteronormative standard. Even though, if you look closely, it’s actually not.”

“It’s actually hard to find a girl who’s interested in a dated concept like monogamy.”

“If you’re really committed to your partner, I don’t understand why you would look for someone else.”

“We’re socialized that way. Just like how most people assume you’re with someone of the opposite sex.”

Unusual hookups

“At the food terminal on top of the next morning’s shipment of food with a police officer.”

“In a children’s playground structure at night. It would’ve been better if we had more room to move around.”

“Mutual masturbation on a night bus.”

“When I was young a friend hooked me up with an old Italian man. I met him in the boiler-room workshop of the building he worked in.”

“On a cruise ship with two of the crew. We were under the stage while a revue was being performed.”

Places you’d like to have sex

“The kitchen. It means you couldn’t even wait long enough to get to the bedroom.”

“On a hot tropical beach with the waves lapping at our feet.”

“In front of other people. Their eyes feel just as good as their hands.”

“My bed. Because it is clean, I can control the music, and I can cuddle and sleep after. And I can wake up and make eggs.”

“A stranger’s living room. What isn’t hot about breaking into someone’s place and having sex?”

Kinky or vanilla?

Those who find certain acts a total turnoff — bestiality 80%, diaper play (daddy or baby) 87%, necrophilia 87%, scat play (giving) 86%, scat play (receiving) 88% — are in the majority. Fisting, watersports, enemas and even flogging all clocked in at well over a 50% turnoff rate. The most arousing kink is giving facials, at 25%, with, fortunately, another 25% eager to receive.

Do you practice safe sex?

“Everything you do has a degree of risk. What risk you are willing to take is an individual decision. Kissing an HIV-positive person when you and he both have open wounds in your mouths may be riskier than anal sex with a condom, for example.”

“Occasionally [have unsafe sex] with people I trust. I feel bad about it, though.”

“I have had unprotected sex on several occasions and I regret it. It was impulsive and usually tied to alcohol consumption.”

“I have unprotected oral sex with females. Dental dams are simply uncool to use in the lesbian community.”

“I will always do my best to reduce the risk. Been there, done that, got the horse pills.”

Toys ’r’ us

59% of respondents use massage oil as often as possible. 58% use dildos. 51% have fantasized about using a sling but haven’t had the opportunity yet. 44% dream about sex in costumes or uniforms. 24% of respondents didn’t like their experiences with cockrings, but 35% use them as often as possible.

“Always porn with a dildo. If I don’t have a dildo, a bottle will do.”

“My double-headed dildo pushed slowly 14 inches inside of me and coming with poppers.”

“Making an ex-boyfriend shake for almost five minutes from a prostate-gland buttplug. He couldn’t walk for an hour.”

“Being fucked up the ass while fucking a Fleshlight.”

Of course, sometimes toys can be other than erotic…

“I was playing with a guy’s ass. He was groaning like mad, and I felt an object moving out of his bowels. He had a big rubber ball up there. It shot out and put a dent in my wall across the room. Thank god I wasn’t in front of it.”

“I lost it up the back end. I had to squat over the cat box to squeeze it back out.”

“At 23 I had to go to the ER with a freshly batteried old-style female vibrator stuck up my ass. I could not sit because of the hard plastic (painful), and the vibrator was loud. The intern was the older son of a neighbour. I became a top soon after.”

Fantasy figures

“My favourite sexual fantasy is of hockey jocks. I’m the fag they like to face-fuck in the locker room because their girlfriends aren’t good at sucking dick.”

“A boss. Where it’s your job to routinely have sex with them throughout the day. At times it’s frustrating because you have so much other work to do, but then every hour you have to sit under their desk and lick their pussy while they are in meetings with people.”

“Vampires! I am tied up by a hot femme, dom vamp and fucked and bitten for hours.”

“A nun. I would like her to treat me like I am in deep shit for looking at girly books, but afterwards she lets me do her with a promise to be secret about it.”

“Josh Duhamel. I can imagine him tying my arms to a bedpost while he throws my legs up and pumps and moans.”

“Ellen Page. Because I really think she’s gay, and I think if we met, I could get her to date me. At least one time.”

“The Hemsworth brothers, Liam and Chris. They both have hot bodies, cute accents and in my fantasy like tag-teaming a cute bottom boy.”

“Ryan Reynolds. Love the hairy chest, abs, great ass and what appears to be a nice set of low hangers.”

“A hot, built construction worker in his late 20s to early 40s. He takes total control, kisses me passionately, embraces powerfully, fucks me deeply, comes inside me. Repeat.”

In a Barbie world

Luiz Penze is the artist responsible for the sexy doll portraits in this issue
Profile by Eduardo Sabate

From portraits of modern families with two dads, to penis-print wallpaper, Luiz Penze’s uncomfortably familiar yet jovial compositions rub reality in one’s face, and one can’t help but enjoy it. “Sometimes people think that the message in my art is too strong or I use too many swear words, but I don’t see those words in the same way. I see the art and I don’t really care if I put ‘fuck you’ in my painting,” he says.

Brilliant splashes of yellow, fuchsia, purple and red give his art a pop-off-the-wall quality, but it’s the arresting subject matter that’s getting Penze all the attention. “I did this exhibition in which I had bathroom scenes with all the messages you normally find on the tiles when you go to a public toilet: fuck me, I’m horny, et cetera . . . And actually, those pieces were the first to sell. I even considered not putting them in the exhibition, but people loved it,” he says.

Taking cues from real life strongly peppered with sexuality, Penze plays with societal expectations and twists them to create his fantastic artwork. Eduardo Sabate talks to the UK-based Brazilian artist about growing up without dolls in a conservative family and his love of drag queens.

As a child, did you play with dolls?

My father really hated seeing me play with a doll. My parents sent me to a psychologist for seven years because when I was five, I loved to play with dolls and wear girls’ shoes. They were scared I would be gay. I always joke about it and say to them, ‘Oh, what a waste of money.’ Fifty percent of my artwork features Barbie, but I didn’t grow up at all with this type of toy. It was in 2007 at university when I first played with her. My girlfriends still had them in their dormitories, and when I was visiting, I liked to put them in sex positions. I started doing more of that and drawing them, and that’s how it started.

Apart from your work with dolls, which we’re obviously big fans of, your illustrations range from Japanese mythology to drag queens. What inspires you?

Where I grew up, half of the population was Japanese-Brazilian, and that’s why I had a lot of Japanese influence. My logo is my initials in Japanese letters. Through my art, I quite like to show my evil side. One subject of my drawings is the Shinigami, which means death [god]. Since I was very young, I loved to draw her — with a mask and always bleeding. I also love RuPaul’s Drag Race. I don’t really have time to draw all of them, so I just draw the drag queens I really like, like Sharon Needles. Right now, I’m drawing Roman sculptures and more body figures.

Explain Barbie with a black eye?

And she’s pregnant. I’m not shy and am quite confident, but I’m very quiet. Maybe I’m transferring all my anger to my drawings. Barbie is such an innocent toy, and I wanted to show a different side of her. On an illustration, you’re not normally going to see her saying that she’s pregnant from another guy. Just a few years ago, I didn’t care about Barbie, and now I’m making a career out of it.

Compiled by Drew Rowsome, with photos by Luiz Penze.